The Imperium upon which the sun appears to be setting more often is set to make a huge announcement on March 15.
If it were Apple there would be all sorts of fevered expectation which would result in a hysterical press rushing to the press conference to see what polished turd Steve Jobs was offering this week.
When Microsoft issues a similar cryptic notice, no one notices. To be fair we only spotted it because of the date which is the Ides of March.
The Ides of March are not a good time for any Imperium. After all, it was on that date that Julius Caesar was stabbed under the Statue of Pompey the Great.
But there have been dark murmurings in the Imperium lately. The feeling is that the shy and retiring Caesar Steve Ballmer is no longer up to the task. Apparently the concern is that he has dropped the ball so much lately that he appears to be playing basketball while the rest of the world is playing rugby.
Ballmer has been insisting that people around him are FAT as clearly some of them have "lean and hungry looks". Soothsayers, or analysts as they are called these days, are warning that Microsoft needs to make some sweeping reforms and an Ides of March announcement of Steve's exit would be incredibly appropriate.
Unfortunately a coup against Ballmer is about all pundits can come up with as for the reason to the mystery press conference. After all they are fairly fashionable at the moment.
There can't be any important news about Windows 8, nor its new interface, updates for Windows Phone 7 are all old news, we know the Microsoft Tablet is not out until 2012, there is no new version of Office is due, and the Xbox 360 is still doing well.
It could be a launch of Internet Explorer 9" as the browser already having reached RC status a little while ago but that is incredibily dull and would not rank as a "major announcement".
So we are plugging for a transition of power from Steve to his heir apparent with March 15 his named date to show his secret displeasure.
.jpg){kind=icon}
.jpg){kind=icon}
I think Steve Ballmer is going to announce yet another tablet computer. He does this every year.
The Microsoft tablet will have the following features:
-It won't be available in stores for another 3 years
-It will have oodles of desktop apps available, but those apps will be ill-suited for the multi-touch interface
-Open-source software will be banned from the tablet (a few weeks ago, Microsoft announced that open-source software would be banned from Windows Phone 7... this is Ballmer's life-long dream come true)
-It will have a Start Menu, which you'll have to swipe with your finger
After Ballmer announces yet another tablet that nobody can actually buy, he will get sacked.
vondrashek m&md.
The anouncement of new CEO for software giant. Outgoing CEO will make one last hilarious anouncement and will step-down. That's all about it
Keynote five years ago: We have something technologically magnificent, that no competitor has currently, and which you can buy today.
Keynote today example 1: We have plans and a powerpoint presentation, and some jangly music, and a list of partners. Getting excited yet ... zzzzzzz
Keynote today example 2: We have last years product, have added a camera, and ... wait for it ... some fantastic covers. Yes that's right folks, no more going on the internet for $5 covers from dansemporium347 on ebay, you can come direct to Cupertino for them instead.
Microsoft will announce the newest computing paradigm - the Smart Car TM. The Smart Car will steer itself, be capable of picking up the kids from school by itself, all for the low cost of $999,999.00. All of this assumes that it doesn't Blue Screen, in which case the EULA says that it's YOUR fault for having used it the wrong way...
LOL
You can't be serious.
I would hardly call flailing your arms around and shouting and screaming and jumping around like an insane wild ape to be "shy and retiring".
Nor would I call cursing and berating employees in their face and throwing chairs and threatening people and menacing them to be "shy and retiring".
The only people who like Steve Ballmer are the people he pays to like him otherwise he is just a big and not very attractive incompetent clown.
Certainly not the kind of person who should be representing a major corporation like Microsoft.
He really needs to be removed even it they have to drag him out of there.