Top Apple church leader and marketing chief Phil Schiller has ordered a crusade against Google's fragmented Android - claiming that only Jobs' Mob can bring the sort of unity that the world desperately needs.
Speaking before Samsung takes the wraps off its latest flagship smartphone, Schiller said that Google's own research showed the vast majority of Android users were stuck on older versions of the software, and that Samsung's new phone itself may debut with a year old operating system that will need updating.
According to Stuff, Schiller said that over half of Android users are on year-old version of the operating system. Apple users never have the luxury of using an old version because they are forced to buy a new model every year as one of the commands of their religion.
He has a reason to be upset. Samsung knocked Apple off its perch atop the global smartphone arena in 2012, and continues to chip away at its market share with a combination of aggressive marketing and rapid technology adoption. It also has produced better machines than Apple with apps that actually work. Siri only works in the US and Apple's maps are so broken that police actually warn people off from using it.
Rather than compete with products, Apple has attempted to sue Samsung off the shelves with patent trollage. This has failed too.
Schiller said the fragmentation, or the number of versions of the Android operating system out in the marketplace, is a problem.
The Samsung Galaxy S4 is rumoured to ship with an OS that is nearly a year old, he moaned. "Customers will have to wait to get an update".
If fragmentation was a problem, we'd wonder why Samsung is able to give Apple such a good kicking. Calls for crusades are getting pretty silly. Soon will not be long and a statement from Apple like the following will be posted in the New York Times: "We are disgraced, sons and brothers, who live in these days of calamities! Can we look at the world in this century reproved by Heaven to witness the desolation of Cupertino and remain in peace while it is so oppressed? Is it not preferable to die of cold in a queue waiting for Apple products rather than suffer any longer so horrible a spectacle? Let us all weep for our faults that raise the divine ire, yes, let us weep... But let not our tears be like the seed thrown into the sand. Let the fire of our repentance raise up the Holy War and the love of our brethren lead us into combat against this evil Android. Let our lives be stronger than death to fight against the enemies of Apple."
We know Pope Gregory VII said it first, but it wouldn't be the first time Apple borrowed an idea.