.jpg "Apple admits iOS5 is battery vampire -")
Jobs' Mob has finally admitted that a feature in its super, cool, wonderful iOS5 causes battery life to be drained faster than you can say "apples and lemons".
According to a Sydney iPhone developer Mathew Peterson, Apple had this morning seeded iOS5.0.1 to developers, which purports to fix the issue. He told the Sydney Morning Herald Apple has yet to test the update and is refusing to say when it will release the fix.
The problem hit iPhone 4S owners and owners of older models who have updated to iOS5. Apparently something was rising from the grave and draining 19 percent of battery life in 50 minutes. After that users were turned into zombies and would rush around and try to spread the infection by encouraging other users to buy an iPhone 4S. The battery vampire would work even when the phone was idle with most features switched off.
Apple said nothing, and thousands of fanboys dared to express frustration in online forums, which is of course a heresy in the Apple cargo cult.
A highly successful hot-fix to the problem, which required no waiting for a fix from Apple, was released by the TechEye team. It involved taking the iPhone4S, stamping on it several times, before throwing it in the Thames and buying an Android. For some reason our advice was not taken up by many Apple fanboys who would rather moan and hobble the new device simply to get it to work as advertised.
Apple claimed that only a small number of customers have reported lower than expected battery life on iOS5 device. But it admitted that it has found "a few bugs" that are affecting battery life and we will release a software update to address those in a few weeks.
Of course releasing a phone that does not work is reminding some of the "antennagate" fiasco that affected the iPhone 4, causing calls to drop out and reception problems.
Part of the problem is that Apple is so paranoid about its technology finding its way into the wrong paws that it fails to test its toys properly before selling them.
The tenebrous Apple devoti are exuberant auto-haemosexuals whom are only chuffed an satiated with the leeching superfluities, no?
Give zem ze Croque Monsieur! Ze ole' heave-ho and Wiz-Wedgie Cheese Fronchee! Non! Mon Blieu! Give zem you Rule Brittania, you gassy beer, you page three and you chips-a-doddle. Voir si je me Soucie!
Failing a successful Exorzism... or Intervention by Cult Deprogramming (properly fueled only with "the gods' honest truth") be performed upon each of em iParaphiliac-Applepostate Paynim iPhoners, and consequently Mayhem ensues : I proscribe that the wretched Miscreant should be horse-whipped for twenty spaces (see, I am a progressive, I did not zay drawn and quartered! (I did not zay "Ich bin ein Jelly Donut" neither!) Zey are already mostly drawn monthly, n'est–ce pas?). No vait... Zey are ze gluttons maximoz for ze punishment, no? Off with there heads! si vous plaît! It smartz frosh oui!