And it came to pass that there arose in the land of Eton, one who was destined to rule all of England and his name was Cameron. Cameron realised that while he, and allies, had the latest technology, an ATM network to their dorm rooms, that streamethed 24-hour fox-hunting porn while the boys of the same age in the neighbouring Kingdom of Slough hath not those things. Moreover when the boys of Slough went forth, they were of a rougher manner and would throw stones and otherwise beat up the Etonians in the ancient manner called unto them “stick a toff”. And Cameron did say unto his fellows. “If we give technology unto these unwashed hairy types we shall be beaten up. We should not give these barbarians council houses if they attack us.” But the people heard him and listened unto him not, for he was a Tory and would not be King for many many years. And after some time the people of Blighty did say “let us make Cameron our King, because he cannot possibly be worse than Gordon Brown for is it not written, 'always a frown with Gordon Brown?'” And Cameron did take the throne and immediately did warn of a great crisis which required that everyone immediately give all their money to the rich who would save them. “The poor needeth not the trainers of sports personalities, they needed not the Facebook of the rich, nor can they afford the mortgage to buy anything from Apple,” he did spake. And the people did nod and listen and agree, at least those who mattered. But the young and the unwashed did spake unto themselves and say. “Why should the rich have gadgets while we hath not? Are we not worthy to be in the Walled Garden of Jobs? Why should we not carry forth the Tablets of Android? And they did carry forth their Blackberries and did riot to take what they thought they would never have. Grave was the rioting and even the mighty warehouse of So-Neh was burnt, yea unto the ground. And Cameron did spake and say “See what happens when thou giveth technology to the unwashed? They use it not to take pictures while they hunteth the fox, like normal people. They use it to attack the keepers of shops.” And he did ask the makers of the Blackberry to report what the unwashed were saying about him and discovered that they thought he mattered not. And they spoke of their contempt for Cameron even unto the Social Notworking Sites of Facebook. And Cameron unto the Daily Mail did spake and say we must prevent these unwashed people from talking on Facebook. I wish to flick a switch and turneth a region into a communication desert. So that even an elderly person may not call for an ambulance. He called upon all his chums from school, even Spotty Nigel who fagged him behind the EtonWick fire station, to write of their support on Facebook. And lo, more than a million members signed up. “Will not the great unwashed see that this Facebook page hath so many members, that they shall cease to riot and return to their lives of poverty, which the LORD hath ordained for them?” Cameron spake and said. But the world did look upon this Facebook page and found that many of Cameron's chums were not nice people. They had called for the hanging of coons, shooting of riff-raff and forced slavery. “We had not these problems when we had an empire,” wrote Cameron's friends. "We can't do it if the people who are supposed to be out there shooting natives are chatting to people online about the weather. If they were going off and getting shot in France, like their grandparents, we would worry about them not.” And even Cameron had to admit that this had gone too far. But he did order that for who so ever of the riff-raff did cast the stone, that they, and their family shall not have a council house. There they should be thrown into the streets where there would be no internet connection. Had he not wanted to do that from the time he was roughed up in Eton but had not found a good reason. And the Daily Mail did thinketh this was a great idea, next to gassing poor people. And then a small child did appear amongst the people and point out that if the riff-raff had no place to live, they had no reason to do anything other than riot. “Forsooth, is it not better to keep the masses calm with football, and iPods, bread, iMacs and phones of the smart.” But the Daily Mail barked and said: “Sod off, our readers own their own homes, this means they deserve their gadgets while the riff raff have earned them not.”

Ye Booke of Riots