Updates to this story
The UK police force has launched an online map, costing £300,000, that shows in detail the location of crimes that have been committed in a specific area. Or it's supposed to.
A member of the public can use the site to search for information on crimes according to their postcode, revealing details of the six categories on show burglary, robbery, vehicle crime, violence, other crime and anti-social behaviour, as well as showing the police presence in the area. You can view the site here.
According to Home Secretary Theresa May, the maps are intended to give the public access to facts and make the police more accountable, though it will more likely be used by teenagers to compare who has had the most knife-fights on their street over the past week.
The Home Secretary denies that the maps will have any impact on house sales, though a cursory glance that shows a spate of burglaries and a number of muggings have occurred outside the door of the house you are about to lay down a deposit for is surely likely to have some effect.
While there have been similar maps in the past showing crime statistics, there has never been this level of clarity and detail bringing the true horror of inner-city London after sundown to the homes of viewers. Perhaps the next step will be to provide a 3D Google Maps style service to show in even greater detail the Clockwork Orange-esque terror that lurks outside your front door.
Although the site is currently difficult to access due to a high usage following its launch today, TechEye can reveal that, in a shocking expose, the streets of London are more barren of the strong arm of the law than we thought, highlighting that even our beloved MPs seem to be affected by Police force budget cuts:
Of course that's probably just server woes as the entire readership of the Daily Mail hurries online to find out which murderous immigrants are slaughtering cancer wards and devaluing property nearby. As the rozzers cope with austerity measures we suggest that the Police.UK server is one PC Plod's tethered HTC Hero, struggling to cope with the fearful demand.