A secret report from Big Content's IFPI report has been leaked and shows a strategy which is remarkable - in that it looks like it has been put together by Cardinal Biggles from Monty Python's Flying Circus.
In fact, the report, which was found by TorrentFreak, was penned by the music industry group's chief anti-piracy officer Cardinal Mo Ali.
Apparently Cardinal Ali says Big Content has three weapons in its armoury. These are Take down, Disruption, and Investigation. Oh, there is also Lobbying and Litigation. Its five weapons are Take down, Disruption, Investigation, Lobbying and Litigation and a fanatical belief that it is completely right. Er, its six weapons are:
The IFPI said that there are two times of illicit content. These are the heresy of "content held on users' computers" and distributed via P2P networks such as BitTorrent, Gnutella, DirectConnect, eDonkey and Ares.
On the later Heresy, Big Content has taken "strategic action" against The Pirate Bay (BitTorrent), LimeWire (Gnutella) and also the semi-private tracker Demonoid (BitTorrent).
It does not say what it actually did, but we suspect that the comfy chair was produced.
The second Heresy is that content held on central servers, including file-hosts and cyberlockers. Having taken steps against Megaupload, Big Content is now forced to admit that Mega's stats paled into insignificance when compared to the others.
Cardinal Ali said that cyberlockers must "proactively filter for infringing content" but if they don't they must "operate an effective and efficient notice and take down system".
Apparently if they fail to do this the Cardinal will surprise them with some fluffy cushions.
With its eyes ever on the ball, the report said that it was starting to note that people were downloading and sharing of content across mobile data and other wireless networks. Apparently this was possible with these new fangled smartphone thingees.
Cardinal Ali worries that these networks are providing here-and-now streaming of content via all-you-can-eat plans. And the hard part about this is that it makes it more difficult to match an IP address to a subscriber so that Big Content's inquisition can pounce on offenders.
As you might expect, the report trots out the same line about how it has found proof that illegal sites are annually stealing hundreds of millions of dollars which is creating opportunities for money laundering and tax evasion.
Its next plan is to strangling the sites' finances with the help of payment processors. It is also looking at ways to confiscate property of those who it thinks are pirates.