And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Obama, that all the world should be taxed to prop up those who made a lot of dosh from sub-prime mortages. And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city, yeah even unto the Inland Revenue headquarters in Nottingham. And Intel also, for although it paid not the taxes of ordinary mortals, it too had to pretend to give unto Caesar what was Caesar's, allowing for deductions. But at this time also there was a shortage of money. The Romans who had been paying for King Burlesconi's Bunga Bunga parties for years were short of cash and did call in the loan that they paid to the Celtiberians, the Celtiberians were broke because they had borrowedeth from the Teutonics and the Britons, the Greeks were poor because they had borrowedeth from every one to keep their state unions from striking. The Americans were no help because they had sold themselves into slavery to the Chinese in return for the Chinese making them gadgets. But lo, it was at this time that the industry did give birth unto another recession and wrapped it in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because inns would not let a recession into the place. And there were in the same OEMs abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Intel came upon them, and the glory of the Intel shone round about them; and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you next year shall be born the Ultrabook and it shall save you from all your woes. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the Ultrabook wrapped in discounted Ivy and sporting an SSD. “Thou meanest an Apple Air?” asked the Shepherds. But the Angel did frown and say unto them: “Speak not of the Apple Air, for it is too expensive for the common man and has not been blessed by Intel.” And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising Intel, and saying, Glory to Intel inside, and on earth, peace, goodwill toward men provided they haveth not the chips of AMD. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the OEMs said one to another, Let us now go even unto CES, and see this thing which is come to pass, which Intel hath made known unto us. And they came to Vegas and found a host Ultrabooks as the Angels had promised. And when they had seen them, they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this new technology. And all they that heard it wondered at those things which were told them by the Shepherds. But they believethed it not.
King Peter Version
1Now when ultrabook was born in Bethlehem of Judaea in the days of Tim the cook, behold, there came wise men from the east to Cupertino , 2Saying, Where is he that is born King of the notebooks? for we have seen his star in the east, and are come to worship him. 3When Tim the cook had heard these things, he was troubled, and all Cupertino with him. 4And when he had gathered all the chief engineers and spinners of the people together, he demanded of them where the ultrabook should be born. 5And they said unto him, In Taipei of Taiwan: for thus it is written by the prophet,
7Then Tim, when he had privily called the wise men, inquired of them diligently what time the star appeared. 8And he sent them to Taipei, and said, Go and search diligently for the new product; and when ye have found it, bring me word again, that I may come and view it also. 9When they had heard the cook, they departed; and, lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the new product was. 10When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy. 11And when they were come into the hall, they saw the new product with it's patent portfolio, and fell down, and worshipped it: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; discounts, and consultation, and advertising. 12And being warned of Otellini in a dream that they should not return to Tim, they departed into their own country another way.
13And when they were departed, behold, the angel of the Otellini appeareth to Wang in a dream, saying, Arise, and take the new product and patents, and flee into China, and be thou there until I bring thee word: for Tim will seek the new product to destroy it.
14When he arose, he took the new product and his patents by night, and departed into China: 15And was there until the firing of Tim: that it might be fulfilled which was spoken of the Lord by the prophet, saying, Out of China have I called my new range.
16Then Tim, when he saw that he was mocked of the wise men, was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and litigate all the products that were in Taiwan, and in all the coasts thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently inquired of the wise men.