Intel press party turns up the Heat -

TechEye got trashed at Intel’s press party last night – in both senses.  On our team we co-opted Andrew Charlesworth and Tony Smith, but even that didn’t help too much.

The team: Mad Mike Magee, Matthew Finnegan, Tony Dennis, Andrew Charlesworth, Tamlin Magee, Tony Smith. We perhaps should have put the name of our team, OchAye, on the answer papers.

The challenge. Beating the other, many teams that hadn’t already had several pints in the now famous Porcupine, before Intel UK dispensed its largesse.  Despite having headed Intel notepaper with forged signatures telling the Heat team they were disqualified, despite having headed Intel notepaper with forged signatures telling the Future Publishing team they were really Past Publishing. Despite everything, we got trashed, and didn’t get to win Ultrabooks or anything else for that matter. The only thing we got to win was an ill-deserved reputation for mischief.

The forging went down well. We were dissuaded from stealing the Ultrabook in the corner. There was a whole series of questions related to Ultrabooks. We guess our answers to the effect about the same thinness as Apple notebooks but using not quite as expensive materials as Apple notebooks didn't quite hit the hotspit (sic).

Heat magazine did quite well.  Heat – sorry thermal dissipation – is probably a core magazine for Intel PR.

We’d give you the gory results in full, but unfortunately at press time, Intel was unavailable for comment. Probably as hungover as we are. Doesn't AMD have parties any more?

*EyeSee Intel kindly gave the roomful of hacks Christmas crackers. So we can now reveal some of Intel's choice seasonal cracker jokes:

Why did the tightrope walker visit his bank?

To check his balance.

How do you save meatballs from drowning?

Put them in gravy boats.

Why did the teacher call both her sons Ed?

Because she thought two Eds would be better than one.

Why is it not safe to sleep on trains?

Because they run over sleepers.

A bottle of lemonade fell on a barman's head. Why wasn't he hurt?

It was a soft drink.

How do frogs send messages to each other?

They use morse toad.

What ring is square?

A boxing ring.