TechEye Bible's Ye Booke of Oracles

 

1. And it came to pass that King Eli-Son did enter into the Oracle and there he did hear wondrous things from the Gods and the little people. 2. And Eli-Son did storm for unto his people and passed unto them this mighty message that only he heard. 3. “For the Lord did come unto me in the form of an Oracle and did spake and say, “Trust not unto thyselves the chips called Itanium for they are like unto the sperm of the devil. 4. “For the Children of In Tel have had enough of the chip called Itanium, yeah unto the back teeth. 5. “They hath rolled up their roadmap and cast it unto the four winds, yea hath they ripped it unto little pieces,” Eli-Son did spake and say. 6. And the people were perplexed by this mighty message for it had not occurred to them before that In Tel would rid itself of the chips called Itanium, especially since it had just spent a lot of dosh getting a new one out. 7. But Eli-Son reminded them that when God spake unto him, he was usually right and besides hath not Eli-Son bought forth the miracle of the prophets of the quarterly results and had he not swallowed up the Sun whole? 8. And so the Children of Oracle did cast out the chips called Itanium and said that they shalt support it not. 9. When word of what the Children of Oracle had done reached the ears of the In Tel tribe they tore their hair and stamped on their rabbits. 10. “What is this strange message that Eli-Son spake? Is it not written in our Road Map of stone that Itanium would last ten years? What hath he been smoking, for would it be that we could find his supplier, because it must be wicked stuff, like unto the most evil skunk of Nazareth.” 11. And the Children of Ach-Peh were also perplexed, for had they not invested many pieces of silver in Itanium? 12. “Eli-Son hath lost the plot”, they spaketh. “He wishes not to support Itanium while his SunSparc server languisheth in the mud. So he spake unto his people pies of pork so that they would cast out Itanium.” 13. But Eli-Son did hear of their mutterings and cried out in a loud voice. 14. “Oh ye Mighty God! The people of Ach-Peh and the children of In-tel doth mock me. They say that I do not really speak unto you and your Little People. They claim I listen to thine voice, not.” 15. And The LORD spake unto Eli-Son and sayeth: “Sorry who are you again?”