The Book of Farrell How he was not seen for a month 1. AND it came to pass that Nick Farrell was perplexed. For after the mass of Christ there was naught in the land for him to do. 2. IT news had become like unto a barren wasteland. Steve Jobs had gone off sick and had left the Children of Ap-Pel with a regent, so there was naught to slag off. Most of the evils of the iPad and iPhone 4 had already been spoken of at length and it would falleth appart, and fanboys would still consider it wonderful. 3. Hath not Chipzilla released unto the world the chips spoken of as Sandybridge. Hath not the makers of open sauce gone quiet? Even Steve Ballmer snoreth in his midwinter slumber on his rich pile of money. 4. And was it not freezing cold, even unto the temple of Rome, where Farrell liveth with the Italian Goddess. 5. And Farrell did speak and say: “Sod this for a game of soldiers I have not had a holiday for six years, I want to go somewhere hotter.” 6. And he did confer with the Italian Goddess, She who must be Obeyed in all Matters especially Dietary, and they did decide to depart unto the very ends of the Earth. Even unto New Zealand, where he grew up, where there was plenty of sunshine and beaches for the Italian Goddess to swim. 7. And then it was decided that there he should marry the Italian Goddess upon a scared Maori hill, even at Noon. And not giveth a monkeys about technology at all. For was it not written that he had enough of technology even unto the back teeth. And sometimes there were there not more important things to do than slaggeth off Apple? 8. And thus the Tech-Eh did continue, but Farrell was with it not. And fanboys did cry out, woe, woe, woe, for we hath no-one to be smug at. And there was quiet in Tech-Eye for the editors nodded, without challenge. 9. And Lo it was like this unto the ends of February. [Couldn't you just fill in a holiday request form like everyone else? Ed]