The Tame Apple Press has been getting sillier and sillier with its pro-Jobs' Mob claims lately.
Not satisfied with claiming that the Tablet is killing off the PC, the press now claims that Apple has more cash than the US government .
The implication is that Apple could buy the US and sort out the entire nation's economy, or some such bollocks and probably sort out the nation's economic woes.
"The feds could probably learn a thing or two from Apple's success," enthuses Chris Moody in the The Ticket magazine.
Like most press release spin the concept is fatally flawed. Apple's quarterly financial report shows it has $76.4 billion in reserve cash, while the Treasury Department is sitting on just $73.7 billion. So without actually engaging the brain, the Tame Apple Press thinks this means that Jobs' Mob has more cash than the US government.
However, what if you compare the US operating balance against Apple's reserves? US reserves are 2,907,837 millions, or 40 times more than Apple's. Of course Apple has zero debt, which means that it is in a good state as far as a business goes. However, comparing a business with a government is like comparing Apple with pears.
For a start it is easy to have zero debt when you are not required to have social programmes, a standing army, go to war, run national parks and a legal system.
Apple does not have a problem with people trying to avoid paying for its products either, nor does it have its senior management being bribed by "lobbying groups" to produce products that no one wants.
I hate to invoke the spirit of Godwin, but the newspapers that are making these comparisons are effectively calling for some form of fascist utopia in the former colony of Virginia. The logic seems that there is a belief that if Steve Jobs can make tablets a money spinner he could do a better job of running the country under a constitution which is similar to Apple's business model.
Since that is fascism, complete with black shirted fanboys policing the web for nasty comments, compulsary censorship and and micromanagement of personal life, it would seem that the Tame Apple Press is advocating a Fascist State run by Jobs. Still at least the Army would be disbanded. Jobs does not believe in security.
He'd also introduce a totalitarian ecosystem - called communism in other places.
Public offices would all look like Apple Shops (granted, could be worse).
He'd probably be quite successful at it, though...
Apple's vast lolly of iMac Dollars some of which is now pegged for the construction of the circular "mothership" das machina a la Appla in Cuppatino.
But the scare comes from the Apple Press Propaganda zealots.
Would you believe these fanboy black-shirted facsisted geniuses claim there was never any Tescocaust never? I mean have a decco on aisle 16 for mother would ya?
Imagine living in a Tesco house, sending your child to a Tesco school, swimming in a Tesco pool and, of course, shopping at the local Tesco superstore.
Argumentum ad Hitlerum!
Well, If we accept their App(le) State, the slate of all of our sworn fealty to ASDA would make us soon a minced Marty and without any real hope of getting a Quick Save.
Now I, for one, object to carrying another brick in the Walmart; do I look the yob?
But I should earn ClubCard points just for having my poo inspectorated! And, will somebody please tell me, plz where I have to go and who I will have to swipe to get the eins shizen Sham Poo App?
The final solution may well be to put my love up on a shelf an if Waitrose way past-it's-sell-by-date...
I don't care if Tesco was started by some poor sod bugger off a cart! Hitler started off as a penceless painter. Just because you started small does not mean you will forever have morals, ethics, manners or the best interests of your fellow human beings at heart. Just look at zee Germans.
(I'm obviously not accusing Tesco of gassing anybody, at least not lately, but Apple I dunno.)
It's like the whole dystopia is going tits-up Insanes-burried. Apple pie is all part of the American dream, init? Pod-people.