Microsoft water boards journalists -

Microsoft may have impressed crowds with their “all phones will be Zune phones” message at MWC in Barcelona on Monday, but it didn’t do much to impress journos, who they left languishing in the pouring rain outside the press conference venue for 45 minutes before plonking them in front of telescreens on the floor.

“What do you expect me to do about it?” a perfectly dry Microsoft PR bunny whined pathetically at this drowned rat of a hackette. “Er, let us into the lobby at least?” But there was no persuading her. Swearing not-so-silently, I resolved that my next phone would be an Android.

After a further 10 minutes of drenching, Microsoft PRs formed a human barricade, and using their best fascist impersonations, barked orders at the dripping press as we were shoved into yet another registration queue. Security at Heathrow Airport was more pleasant.

“oh, you’re press,” snivelled one of Microsoft’s borgs as she sneered at our press passes. “This way please…” Clearly, resistance was futile.

We were shown in to yet another waiting area, where again, we were groped and frisked for ourpress passes and ID. And then made to sit on the floor. In front of a TV screen. In a kumbaya type circle with 100 other hacked off hacks.

It was all very character building.

Google/Apple take note… the next firm that comes to rescue us from Microsoft’s Guantanamo PR conference will get a devoted fan for life.