Apple boss adopts Chinese missionary position -

Apple's new CEO Tim Cook is carrying out missionary work in China in a bid to extend his company's grip on the hearts, minds and pockets of the Chinese.

Tim Cook wants to increase the number of conversions to the new religion behind the bamboo curtain just as the worship of Apple products is starting to decline in coolness in the west.

Accrording to CTV, Cook held a series of high-level meetings with Chinese government officials and has visited the company's cathedrals, er, shops, to see if more are needed.

Cook visited Beijing's Joy City Apple Store to the excitement of locals who posted pictures to Chinese microblogging site Sina Weibo. Apparently they thought he was the second coming of Steve Jobs and must have been a little disappointed.

Apple has only five cathedrals in mainland China and one in Hong Kong, and analysts reckon Cook is likely to pump more money into opening new ones to make sure the religion spreads.

The Apple religion is very simple. It requires you spend all your money on a product that will only last a year. You regularly have to queue outside a store as a new product comes out, and you have to loudly shout about how brilliant the product is even when it breaks or catches fire.

Large areas of China do not produce good Apple followers because, while most of its products are made there, few people can afford them and most people only have two kidneys.

China is the world's largest mobile market and already Apple's second biggest market overall, but the firm has been losing ground there to rival Samsung in smartphones.